This is an article published on Wellness Universe on Thursday 4/12/18
What a wonderful ride I am on! Life is good!
At 69, as I look back over my life and what my key lessons have been, I share that I have spent a lot of lonely nights getting in my own way to find love, and I have held myself back from achieving what I wanted to in business. I have always had a big support system, friends that were there for me through thick and thin, but I had some hard knocks getting to where I am today.
Today, I am happily married to a wonderful man who is my ideal soulmate and supports me to be everything I want to be. I am the sole proprietor of a jewelry business that continues to thrive. I have overcome the worst of inflammation and autoimmune disease. I have also become a health coach so that I can help others.
I am very happy and grateful.
In the years leading up to my 60s, I wasn’t unhappy, but I would have told you that I was sort of happy and kind of discontent. Now, I will share that I am not only happy, but I am content and at peace. Life is wonderful just the way it is.
I didn’t get here easily. It has been a process. My life has had plenty of joy from friends and family, but the things I really wanted seemed elusive and out of reach.
All of those years were not mistakes, and the life lessons I learned are invaluable; I want to share them with you. The challenges I faced are why I am where I am today.
Here are 6 life lessons I have learned along my journey:
Don’t Let Fear Stand in the Way of You Having the Life You Want.
The most important thing I have learned in life is that I was the only person that got in my way. I was the person that blocked the things I wanted, the things that always seemed out of reach. I was stuck in the land that when this “blah, blah, blah” happens, then I can “blah, blah, blah.” I was never going to be enough at that rate.
I allowed fear to build a barrier around me and everything I wanted was on the other side. I spent much of my life living unhealthy. I lived in fear and I blocked my own happiness. I worked too much, and I couldn’t find love. All of this was fear based. I couldn’t fail if I didn’t walk off the cliff, but I also couldn’t fly.
We must relax and believe that everything is occurring as it should. Even the negative events in our lives open doors to a new positive tomorrow.
I kicked fear out the door, and now when it rears its ugly little head, I do what I want to anyway.
Own Your Own Life.
You are responsible for your own success and your own happiness. You and only you. No one can do anything to you that you don’t allow in your mind. Things may happen, but what you do with them is what makes all the difference in the world. Once you start to own your own life, nothing can stop you. This is true whether it is in business, relationship, or health success.
Be your own “who said of the greatest magnitude.” This is a phrase I learned years ago in a management seminar. It means that if you have the mindset to succeed, you don’t listen to other “authorities” in your life. You do not need to accept defeat because someone else says so; not from your doctor, not from your family, not from your significant other when he breaks your heart, and certainly not from a business partner. You are in control, and you can leap over any obstacle placed in front of you. You just need to have a shift in mindset to reframe whatever is happening, so that it becomes a lesson leading towards the road to success.
Note to Self: You ARE Enough!
I don’t know what happens to us as little girls, no matter how much love we are brought up with, there seems to be a pervading issue in our minds that we are not enough. Self-love seems to be absent in so many of the women that I have met in my life. It’s almost like a universal sadness. As women, no matter how much we have created, how beautiful our families are, how successful we are in business, how much we contribute to the world around us, we all seem to struggle with self-worth in some way. We don’t give ourselves enough credit when we say things like, “I am not loving enough, pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough, caring enough, active enough, organized enough, etc.” These are anxious thoughts in our minds and they haunt us daily.
In the quiet acceptance of ‘enoughness’ now lies our inner power to choose to be responsible and responsive to life. We put ourselves in the forefront in that way and stop giving our power away to someone or something else that we may consider more than enough than us. – Margaret Stortz
Well, guess what, you are enough just the way you are. You need to start telling yourself this, or your mind will use it as a block to hinder you from living a life of happiness and joy. My dread of not being enough was hidden deep down inside of me, not visible for the world to see. I knew this was one of the reasons why things I really wanted were elusive.
When I was in my early 40’s, I read a book by SARK. In that book, she unabashedly declared that she was “ripe, succulent and juicy.” The words made me giggle, but I also loved the visual of the words. Every morning for months, I would call a girlfriend to remind her that she was ripe, succulent, and juicy, and she would have me repeat the words also. Something in me began to change, and I began to see myself differently. I suddenly began to be “enough.”
You deserve to love yourself. You are unique and wonderful just the way you are.
Get Past Your “Already Always.”
Some years ago, I had a business partner who had been through Landmark Forum. It was human potential training, somewhat like EST, that was a bit abusive but was said to inspire change. It was NOT my thing, but my partner had a couple of phrases she used from her training that I really loved, and one was to get past your “already always.” (*)
So, what is “already always?” We think we are open-minded, but in reality, everything we hear and everything we believe is filtered through previous experiences and through what we have been told about ourselves. We now reinforce that in our minds. “Already always” is our known truth, especially about ourselves. Unless we can break through that and look at the world through new eyes, nothing changes. We then resort back to our “already always.”
Before we can begin, the blinders must come off. As a start, don’t listen to everything your mind tells you because it is not the truth. It’s just some idle chatter to keep you in your “already always.” It tears you down so that you stay in your known truth, which has become your comfort zone.
According to Sean Croxton:
The ideas and concepts we accept, either consciously or with no thought at all, are passed on to the subconscious mind which is responsible for the overwhelming majority of our feelings and behaviors.
These are often formed at childhood. So, are you ready for change? Are you ready for transformation? Are you ready to change your “already always?”
You have to believe that you have the power to change your life if you could just see that path. You need to clear away your false images and believe that you do have the power to do anything you set your mind to do.
Fill Your Own Cup.
If you don’t take the time for self-care, you won’t have anything to give to your loved ones. I have learned to take care of me by adding some simple exercise into my routine and meditation to my early mornings (it’s much easier than I was making it out to be). I am enjoying morning papers, a 30-minute writing exercise before meditation. I have learned how to breathe properly. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s incredibly important to your long-term health and stress and to you being the best that you can be.
Taking care of you demands that you find ways to release your stress because it accumulates in your body and it makes you ill. Learn how to do the Dr. Andrew Weil 4-7-8 breathing exercise twice per day. Do something lovely just for you, every day, even it’s something simple like arranging flowers or taking a quiet, hot bath. Laugh often. Learn to say no to others when it’s necessary. And practice gratefulness.
Live life as if everything is rigged in your favor. – Rumi
You Can do Anything that You Set Your Mind to.
Know that if you set your mind to it, you can accomplish anything that you want to. Why does it matter if you don’t succeed the first time around? What you will learn from your mistakes is priceless. A mistake is an opportunity to refine it for a better next time. Mistakes are not bad because they teach us to be the best we can be.
Train your mind to never see obstacles, but rather as opportunities to rethink your approach and leap over.
You Are Indescribably Delicious. Live with Intent. Live Life with Pleasure and Gusto. Be Healthy.
(*) “Already always listening” is a trademark of Landmark Forum