“You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance- you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change, but if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and ‘continues’ to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.” Daniell Koepke
“Toxic relationships cause feelings of low self-worth, helplessness, fear, anxiety, depression, insecurity, paranoia, and even narcissism. Toxic relationships are dangerous to your health; they will literally kill you. Stress shortens your lifespan. Even a broken heart can kill you.” Bryant McGill
- Staying in a toxic relationship makes the stress continual, whether it is a toxic love relationship, a toxic friendship, or a toxic parent.
- Try to talk to this loved one to improve the relationship and put a plan together. If it cannot happen, either walk away (friendship or love relationship, work, or set boundaries (parent)). It is literally killing you.
- You need to turn your loving attention to yourself to achieve and maintain wellness.
- Reach out to close friends for loving support if you have ended a toxic love relationship. You need unconditional love right now to improve your health.
- Walk away with no regrets.
- Make a list of all the amazing qualities you have and read them every day. Have close friends help you.
Let’s define what a toxic relationship is; they need to be repaired or purged. Your health depends on it.
Any of these issues are toxic, and you need to think about the relationship in these terms.
Signs of toxic people:
- They are never wrong
- They love the drama, or are completely shut down and show no drama at all
- They are constantly critical
- They like to talk and interrupt
- They lack compassion
- They love to gossip and talk badly about others
- They are into negativity
- They isolate you from others
Signs of toxic behavior:
- They are passive-aggressive
- They display jealousy and play the blame-game
- They show criticism and contempt
- They exude tons of negative energy
- You cannot seem to do anything right
- Neither of you is happy anymore, but they are making no effort to improve things
If it is a romantic relationship-
- “Are the sparks between the two of you dead— end of story?
- “Do you smile when you want to yell, and then yell at the wrong people?
- “Is the only thing holding you back your fear of newness?
- “Are you afraid of what people will think of you if this relationship ends?
- “Does this person make you feel like you are lost without them?
- “Do you find yourself missing the old you?
- “Are you lonely even when you are with him (or her)?”
- If there is any kind of physical or mental abuse, make a plan and get out.
If you are in a toxic relationship, you deserve more. You must reduce your stress, so choose to be with people you are grateful to have in your life.
THESE ARE THE 8 STEPS TO REPAIR OR PURGE A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP
- Sit down and talk to the toxic person whether they are a friend, a lover, or a parent.
- Set boundaries and see if you can save the relationship. If not, you need to walk away. If you are in a toxic relationship with a parent or relative, setting boundaries is crucial.
- Talk to them about the relationship and what YOU need.
- If it is a toxic employer, ask for a transfer or find a new position with a healthier environment.
- If you decide to end a toxic love relationship, reach out for support. You will need unconditional love while you go through the heartbreak. No matter how difficult the relationship has become, if you love him (or her), it will be very painful to pull away.
- When you end any toxic relationship, walk away gracefully with no regrets. No accusations. No, if only you had done this. No manipulation, no finger pointing. (And if leaving toxic employment, no bridge burning.)
- Once free, write down all the things that you are grateful for that this relationship gave you and set those memories free. Holding onto grudges does you no good and does them no harm. Let it go and start to heal. Life has many wonderful adventures waiting for you, but you must be free and clear to pull them in. (And when you are free, they will appear)
- Write down all the things that are wonderful about you. Ask your dearest friends to help you make the list. What happened is not your fault. It is not anyone’s fault. It is just time to move on. Read this list every time you are feeling blue. Keep it close
I learned a long time ago, sometimes there is an Angel’s hand on my back leading me away from one place to another, which is where I am supposed to be; a place where I can find joy and happiness. Getting out of any toxic relationship is an angel’s hand on your back moving you to a better place where you can find health and peace.